Poetry

sixteen

Alyssa Gabrielle

i have loved you since i was sixteen.

i didn’t call it dangerous “l” word

because i was “too young to fall in love”

and i hAd been hurt.

but it was love.

your name was my favorite word.

my name was safe in your mouth.

there was a lot going on in my head,

but you made it easier to manage with a smile.

my world was a complex mess,

but around you it was clean and simple.

your presence enveloped me in safety.

your optimism provided a light to my darkest corners.

i knew it could be youthful stupidity,

so i tried not to love you,

but my feelings were inescapable,

they were illogical,

they were powerful.

i only wanted you more.

even wheN i officially called myself “yours”,

i oh-so-cautiously used the dangerous “l” word.

we were too young,

and i didn’t want to hurt your trusting heart.

i didn’t want to jinx it,

but i wanted it to be you.

it wasn’t long, though, until i just had to tell everyone

all about the one i loveD

because, despite my youth, i knew you were everything.

sugar sweet sixteen,

inexperienced in love,

a novice at life,

full of the untamable passion of youth,

walking out on love’s unsteady tightrope,

full of zealous passion,

terrified of love’s explosiveness becoming volatile,

all precaution around “the dangerous l word”

now thrown into the wind.

young love is intense,

but it’s filled with wonderous hope,

beautiful idealism for the future.

and that’s what i saw when i looked at you.

i loved all your flaws, sins, and scars.

we picnicked under the light of countless stars,

you pulling me closer to your heart.

change wasn’t enough to ruin my love.

distance couldn’t keep my heart from yours.

the distance presented a new barrier,

but it was just another way to make seeing each other sweeter.

the love and trust we built,

it kept us close no matter how faR.

never once did the distance make me lose faith in us.

all the vipers dressed as prophets,

claiming to read the stars,

swearing they were helping as they screamed,

“you’re too young to fall in love!

you're doomed!”

tried to do what the distance couldn’t.

but we’d never allow it.

we would change their so-called prophecy.

every love song was about you.

every fear was brought to rest by you.

every tear was always caught by you.

every shooting star held my wish we’d be forever.

we were young and dumb.

novice mistakes were made,

things that may have proved those

“youthful stupidity” fears,

That may have doomed us to their prophecy of destruction.

but i knew learning, forgiving, and moving on

with you was better than moving on from you.

we were just young, and there was so much to learn about the world.

but the storms we were braving with you.

we stand now at the top of our fortress,

overlooking the world.

we stare across the horizon,

admiring the memories, legacies, and impacts we have created.

we built all of this together.

i love you enough to want to be a better person,

despite any uncomfortable feelings i would have to work through.

i want to tell you everything.

i want to be around you and feel the joy you bring.

as corny as it is,

your kiss healed me.

i want you to be my Everything.

i want you engraved in my life,

in my work,

in all that i do.

we have the greatest love of all.

we wished upon every star,

and we found our destiny.

the stars always held our fate,

not one of being eternally doomed,

but one of tender loving happiness evermore.

i never understood hoW someone

could spend forever with only one person

and love them more than on day one.

but now it’s clear to see.

i have loved you since i was sixteen,

but i don’t love you like sixteen.

no, i love you more than sixteen

Written: August 2024

Posted to Campbell Curiosities

01-17-25

Better Yet

Alyssa Gabrielle

You command a dog,

not a person.

You scream into a pillow,

not a person's face.

You cuss out a broken appliance,

not a person.

You silence a television,

not a person.

You use a tool,

not a person.

You fuck a doll with no regards for its feelings,

not a person.

These are all universally accepted

rules of respect

that everyone expects.

Unless you’re a woman.

Then, he was “taking charge,”

or, better yet, “putting you in your place,”

not “commanding” you.

Then, he was “expressing herself,”

or, better yet, “listening when you said to communicate,”

not “screaming.”

Then, he was “being passionate,”

or, better yet, “getting his feelings out,”

not “cussing you out.”

Then, he was “speaking his mind,”

or, better yet, “being a little loud,”

not “silencing” you.

Then, he was “getting help cleaning around the house,”

or, better yet, “just too busy to answer...ever,”

not “using” you.

Then, he was "caught up in a moment,"

or, better yet, "making a one-time mistake,"

not "beating you senseless."

Then, he was "having a little fun, god,"

or, better yet, "making your night, baby,"

not "fucking you without a thought."

Why does a woman not equate to a person?

Why is she but an animal or object?

Written: November 2024

Posted to Campbell Curiosities

11-06-2024

Just (Way of the World)

Alyssa Gabrielle

He just grabbed my ass.

“Just” gave me a reason to trust no one.

“Just” made me feel like 100 showers will never clean me.

“Just” decided I was his, not my own.

He “just” grabbed my ass.

(That’s just the way of the world;

I should be grateful I wasn’t raped.)

They just neglected me.

“Just” made me feel like I’d never be enough.

“Just” left me with no privacy or respect.

“Just” left me with no one to cry to.

They “just” neglected me.

(That’s just the way of the world;

I should be grateful I wasn’t beaten.)

It was just another sexist joke.

“Just” treating me as lesser for my beautifully different capabilities.

“Just” putting me down for a genetic difference that wasn’t my choice.

“Just” mocking a body he supposedly loves.

It was “just” another sexist joke.

(That’s just the way of the world;

I should just know he wasn’t serious.)

They just told me to not be a baby.

“Just” demanded I “grow a pair”.

“Just” neglected how deeply I’m cut.

“Just” expected I should know my XY chromosomes mean I don’t feel.

They “just” told me to not be a baby.

(That’s just the way of the world;

I should just be glad they dropped it.)

They just called me bent.

“Just” called me out in front of everyone.

“Just” mocked me for a relationship the same as theirs, just with two people of the same

sex.

“Just” made me feel lesser for biological feelings that didn’t fit their worldview.

They “just” called me bent.

(That’s just the way of the world;

I should be grateful I wasn’t assaulted.)

It was just a shooting.

“Just” something that could’ve made you lose all we’ve built.

“Just” something that could’ve sent me home in a body bag.

“Just” something that could’ve ended in everyone in black.

It was “just” a shooting.

(That’s just the way of the world;

I should be grateful I’m not dead.)

That’s just the way of the world.

“Just” constant heartbreak.

“Just” always looking over my shoulder.

“Just” a reminder of why no one can protect themselves; nonetheless a child.

That’s “just” the way of the world.

Why is it acceptable?

A world where

you can’t have a night out.

you can’t go home.

you can’t have certain genetics.

you can’t have feelings.

you can’t love.

you can’t go to a restaurant.

A world where

men are taught women are sex machines,

so women aren’t even safe with their boyfriends.

men are taught they can’t feel,

so children aren’t safe with their fathers.

men are taught to shut down,

so mothers bury their sons.

women are taught to keep quiet to “not ruin him”,

so they’re stuck feeling alone.

gays are taught an almighty hates them,

so they put a gun to their brain to make the “shameful” thoughts stop.

A world where

tragedy is more common than joy.

hate is more common than love.

families aren’t a safehouse.

everyone is alone.

That world?

We’re okay with that way of the world?

Written: June 2024

Posted to Campbell Curiosities

07-06-2024

Beautiful Things

Alyssa Gabrielle

Windows, artwork, plates, ceramics.

Family, trust, silence, heart.

These are some of the world’s most beautiful things.

Windows can be painted in the most wonderful array of colors.

Light comes through them and illuminates the otherwise dismal room in a sea of rainbows.

Artwork brings deep pleasure and the most wonderful emotion to its viewer.

Good visual arts and music cut through people’s hearts, leaving wonderful impressions.

Plates can be painted for decorative use in beautiful ways or even be subtly topped.

A beautiful plate lights up even the most ordinary, necessary task-eating.

Ceramics molded into figurines bring a homely feeling to any environment.

Little ceramic frogs and larger ceramic angels bring a nostalgic feeling to the most lost soul.

Family is the group of people who you can rely on daily.

Your family, given or picked, is with whom you can lay your head

and be safe after a cold, dismal day.

Trust is a beautiful expression of the deepest human needs: communication and love.

When you trust someone,

you reach out a shaky hand to meet them in the middle of two worlds.

Silence brings a peace and a rest to our hectic, rushing lives.

In silence, we can rest;

in safe silence with one we love, all the peace in the world sits in that moment.

Hearts are opened to let love in and give love out.

Love is the one thing that drives society;

love of others and love of what we do keep us going every day.

Windows, artwork, plates, ceramics.

Family, trust, silence, heart.

These are some of the world’s most beautiful things.

These are also some of the world’s most breakable things.

One stone,

One spill,

One drop,

One accident,

And your beautiful way to view the outside world,

Your beautiful masterpiece,

Your lovely painted utensil,

Your quaint little characters

Are all broken.

They’re all gone.

One betrayal,

One lie,

One uncomfortable situation,

One time being used,

And your through thick and thin relationship,

Your outreach,

Your peaceful rest,

Your beating connection to the world

Are all broken.

They’re all gone

Tarps and tape cover the once-beautiful array.

No matter how much corrective paint, the splotch of error remains.

Nothing will keep food from slipping through the new-found cracks.

Glue won’t hide your character’s scars.

Your way to view the world is a black pit.

Your artwork is never to be the same.

Your plate lays shattered in the trash.

“Blood is thicker than water”, but their abuse caused you to bleed out.

You can lie to yourself all you please; trust won’t be restored.

The silence will always be filled with the unspoken issue, no longer empty peace.

No amount of band-aids will ever repair a betrayed heart.

No amount of lies,

of self-convincing,

of ignoring the facts

will ever change the damage done,

will ever change the risk you took that caused you to lose it all.

In business, you take risks.

They say nothing good comes without a price.

But when does paying a price become breaking?

Is the damage, the shattering worth the cost?

Was it worth losing the world’s most beautiful things?

Written: September 2021

Reworked: June 2024

Posted to Campbell Curiosities

03-21-24

Reworked posted on 07-03-24

I Won't Jinx It

Alyssa Gabrielle

Maybe I won't admit it

I'll admit by harming me he armed me

I'll admit I hated her at first

I'll admit I have struggled

I'll admit I am far from perfect

Maybe I won't admit it

I'll admit you are nice

I'll admit you are funny

I'll admit I enjoy your presence

I'll even admit you're cute

But I won't admit it

I won't admit I noticed the sparkle in your eye

I won't admit I hear your voice on repeat

I won't admit your smile pulled in my heart

I won't admit my heart dances with your laugh

I won't jinx it

Admitting my love,

Admitting my passion,

Admitting my care,

Admitting my devotion

I won't jinx it

Everyone I love runs

I give unrequited passion

No one cares for me as I do them

No one is as devoted as me

I won't admit it

I won't jinx it

Things won't change

You'll still stay

You'll be hers

But you'll be in my life

I won't admit it

I won't jinx it

But hey,

what're you doing Thursday?

Written: May 4, 2021

Posted to Campbell Curiosities

05-04-24

Faded

Alyssa Gabrielle

“I will always love you.”

“I will always care.”

“Come hell or highwater,

I will be there.”

All lovers make all the promises.

All lovers say all the things.

But what do you do when it’s over?

When they don’t always love you?

When they don’t always care?

When hell comes, when trials and tribulations come, but they aren’t there?

Eventually, you move on.

Eventually, you let go.

Eventually, you forget everything they said.

Not me.

I couldn’t be so lucky.

My lover, in all his care,

wrote all his feelings of how he’d be there.

Now, months have passed.

Yet I sit alone.

I scan the marks of those letters.

I scan between the lines of those papers.

In his soul’s musings, I try so hard to find it.

I want to find an ounce of insincerity,

a clue to how it’d end.

But I never do.

I always find the same love,

the same emotion,

the same care.

All I can do is come to one conclusion:

As time passes and letters fade,

feelings fade too.

Written: October 2023

Posted to Campbell Curiosities

05-02-24

Complexity, Simplicity, and Love

Alyssa Gabrielle

I believe in love.

I believe in complexity.

Growing up, I’d hear how complex love was.

That, I’m not so sure I believe.

I’ve been in complex relationships.

I’ve felt that uneasiness.

I’ve felt the seasickness-inducing waves of that.

Then, I believed love was complex.

But then I met you.

Suddenly, love wasn’t complex.

You’d smile; I love your happy side.

You’d cry; I love your soft side.

You’d compliment me; I’d love your sweet side.

You’d constructively criticize me; I’d love your honest side.

I’d look in your eyes; I’d find love.

I’d hear your laugh; I’d find love.

I’d smell your cologne; I’d find love.

I’d feel your touch; I’d find love.

I’d taste your kiss; I’d find love.

Sunrise, sunset.

Love songs, joyous laughter.

Homemade pizza, watermelon candles.

Long hugs, soft comfort items.

Ice cream, gummy candies.

All my senses love you.

All my thoughts love you.

All my high moments love you.

All my depressive lows love you.

All your good things.

All your bad things.

All your highs.

All your lows.

I believe in love.

I believe in complexity.

Growing up, I’d hear how complex love was.

That, I’m not so sure I believe.

I’ve been with you.

I’ve felt that security.

I’ve felt the wind-in-my-hair-like freedom of that.

Now, I believe love is simple.

Written: September 2023

Posted to Campbell Curiosities

04-14-24

Woods

Alyssa Gabrielle

All around her were trees.

She heard all the birds’ songs.

She smelled the fresh pine.

So far from home,

yet, it felt like home.

She stood at the edge of a pond.

She saw the miles of trees reflected in the water.

How could she be so far from home,

yet feel so at home?

She dived, without looking back, into the pond,

There, she found peace.

There, she found quiet.

There, she found relief.

Written: October 2023

Posted to Campbell Curiosities

04-08-24

Unknown

Beckey Campbell

Unwanted baby, brought into an addict's world - she passed from home to home

Unloved little girl, just begging to matter - she gets traded to men for drugs

Unworthy pre-teen, striving to be enough - she gets perfect grades but she is still in the way

Unpopular teen, knows nothing of love - she looks for acceptance in all the wrong ways

Unvalued young adult, finds herself becoming that which she hated - but the music, the dance, the sex, the drugs take all the pain away

Unwise lost girl, needs a way out - she marries the man that will take her away from here

Unsure young mother, strives to be better - she has to protect her girl, because her baby will always know love

Unprotected wife, never enough for the demons in her husband - she takes his punches because its all her fault; she makes him act this way

Undone middle aged statistic, runs away with all 5 kids - she has to do it right this time

Unwritten, the rest of her story

Posted to Campbell Curiosities

04-05-24

An Easter Bunny's Love

Alyssa Gabrielle

Gently place it.

Lilly will appreciate it.

It’s a soft lilac,

painted with little white lilies

placed in the lilies.

She rests her gentle head asleep,

as I hop by, not making a peep.

Gently place it.

Shawn will appreciate it.

It’s a deep midnight blue,

painted with a Batmobile

placed under a car.

He rests his gentle head asleep,

as I hop by, not making a peep.

Each and every house,

each and every child.

They may not be mine,

but I see them as such.

And for that I’ll give each

a personal touch.

In the morning, they’ll search.

In the morning, they’ll shout.

And that’s what my life’s all about.

Written: March 2024

Posted to Campbell Curiosities

03-31-24

B

By: Alyssa Gabrielle

For so long

Always the lover,

never the loved.

Always the giver,

never the givee.

Always the supporter,

never the supported.

Always the worker,

never the rested.

Always the therapist,

never the client.

Yet...

Never a complaint.

Never to quit.

Never to throw in the towel.

Always to give more.

Now, she works hard.

Now, she can rest in the arms of the one who loves her.

Now, she loves them as she always did.

Now, they are old enough to give back.

They only hope she sees that’s all they ever wanted to do.

They see her.

They love her.

They appreciate her.

But even if they didn’t,

she would still give.

That’s who she is.

Forever selfless.

Now,

they just hope the years of it paid off,

they just hope she sees that they see,

she gets to be loved.

Written: February 2024

Posted to Campbell Curiosities

03-27-24

Hybridization

By: Alyssa Gabrielle

Cohen states monsters are hybrids.

What am I but a hybrid?

I am neither this nor that.

I belong neither here nor there.

Am I a monster?

Will I be told as one?

I feel as though I am a flag,

being batted back-and-forth in the wind.

I feel as though I am a garment,

being worn for an occasion then given away.

I feel as though I am a lost hero, questless,

not as the tale’s monster.

Is it my fault I am a hybrid?

Is it my fault I am unclaimed?

Is it my fault I am passed around?

I am a creation of those loving and neglecting me.

I am a creation of unwantedness.

I am but a hybrid.

Written: March 2024

Edited: August 2024

Posted to Campbell Curiosities

03-24-24

Death by a Thousand Kisses/Healed by a Thousand Kisses

Death By a Thousand Kisses

Healed by a Thousand Kisses

By: Alyssa Gabrielle

One more kiss.

I get angry,

but that look on your face draws me in.

You lean in;

I give in.

One more kiss can't hurt.

One more chance can't hurt.

One more kiss.

You ignore me in front of them.

Again in my life, I’m not "cool" enough.

But you say you're sorry.

You lean in;

I give in.

One more kiss can't hurt.

One more chance can't hurt.

One more kiss.

You forget me again;

It cuts deep.

Words fly; tempers flare.

But, oh, the way those deep eyes soften me.

You lean in;

I give in.

One more kiss can't hurt.

One more chance can't hurt.

One more kiss.

You talked to her.

Did you do worse?

“It was one time.”

“I felt terrible.”

I sit in the ashes of what was.

You lean in;

I give in.

One more kiss can't hurt.

One more chance can't hurt.

One more kiss.

I cry when I drive.

I cry when I shower.

I cry when I'm alone.

But then I see you.

Those eyes pull me in.

You lean in;

I give in.

One more kiss can't hurt.

One more chance can't hurt.

One more kiss.

One more chance.

One more kiss.

One more chance.

One more kiss.

One more chance.

One more kiss.

One more chance.

One more kiss.

One more chance.

One more kiss.

One more chance.

One thousand more times.

Slowly, I fade.

Slowly, I disappear.

Slowly, I die.

One.

More.

Kiss.

Written: December 2020

Posted to Campbell Curiosities

03-18-24

Healed by a Thousand Kisses

By: Alyssa Gabrielle

One more kiss.

Blocked to the world,

Screaming independence while mourning it.

I once lived where

he'd lean in;

I'd give in.

One more kiss always hurt.

One more chance ended ruined.

I swore never again.

One more kiss.

You found me,

in all my icy glory.

I prided myself on being cold,

but you knew you could melt away the act.

You leaned in;

I ran.

One more kiss.

You were ever-so-patient.

I was ever-so-stubborn.

Slowly, I noticed.

Your deep brown eyes held a fire,

one that melted my cold shoulder.

Your marvelous brown eyes looked into my soul,

tearing down my wall.

Your adorable smile held one singular dimple,

melting my sadness.

I leaned in;

you met me there.

One more kiss.

One more magical moment.

One more kiss.

You learned all my secrets;

You patched all the holes.

You lean in;

I lean in.

One more kiss.

One more magical moment.

One more kiss.

Once, I felt death in each kiss;

now that pain meets the same fate.

Once, each kiss cut deeper;

now each kiss restores strength.

One more kiss.

Take away the pain.

One more kiss.

Take away my breath.

One more kiss.

Heal what's been broken,

although you didn't break it.

One more kiss.

Your soft eyes, warm smile, and welcoming arms

all melting the pain.

One more kiss.

One thousand times,

then a thousand more.

For a lifetime.

Slowly, I break my wall.

Slowly, I melt.

Slowly, I'm healed.

One.

More.

Kiss.

Written: March 2024

Posted to Campbell Curiosities

03-18-24

To Write

By: Alyssa Gabrielle

Every single thing I see triggers a thought.

Some of them are dark,

reminding me of

that place,

that time,

that moment.

Some of them are romantic,

reminding me of

that date,

that kiss,

that boy.

Some of them are beautiful,

showing me

those colors’ vibrancies,

that smell’s sweetness,

that dish’s depths.

But they all take hold of me.

They all control me.

The need to write it all,

capture it all,

record it all.

It’s all I can think about.

“It’s a gift.”

“It’s a talent.”

But I’m cursed,

cursed with a need to write,

cursed with a need to capture,

cursed with a need to record.

Written: October 2023

Posted to Campbell Curiosities

03-12-24

Hero

By: Alyssa Gabrielle

At 4- I needed a superhero with big, strong arms to help save Barbie.

At 5- I needed someone to save me from the dragon’s lair.

At 8- I needed someone to teach me times tables and fractions.

At 13- I needed someone to show me how a man should treat me.

At 16- I needed someone with ice cream and jokes after my first heartbreak.

At 18- I needed someone to help me pack boxes to move into college.

At 4- there was no superhero.

At 5- there was no redemption from the dragon.

At 8- I taught myself.

At 13- I saw violence.

At 16- I cried myself to sleep.

At 18- I packed boxes alone.

Why was nothing right?

You.

You left.

You abandoned me.

You brought me pain.

You never cared for me.

You brought home anger.

You were gone.

You quit.

You.

You didn’t care, but I did.

i collected me.

I took care of my business.

I am my own hero.

Written: September 2023

Posted to Campbell Curiosities

03-06-24

Published in the Lander University 2024 Copy of New Voices

01-24-24

Poetry

Lacerated, Chaotic Mind

sixteen

Alyssa Gabrielle

Better Yet

Alyssa Gabrielle

Just (Way of the World)

Alyssa Gabrielle

Beautiful Things

Alyssa Gabrielle

I Won't Jinx It

Alyssa Gabrielle

Faded

Alyssa Gabrielle

Complexity, Simplicity, and Love

Alyssa Gabrielle

Woods

Alyssa Gabrielle

Unknown

Beckey Campbell

The Problem of a Time-Travelling Toaster

Alyssa Gabrielle

The Tale of the Toaster

Alyssa Gabrielle

An Easter Bunny's Love

Alyssa Gabrielle

B

By: Alyssa Gabrielle

Hybridization

By: Alyssa Gabrielle

Death by a Thousand Kisses/Healed by a Thousand Kisses

Death By a Thousand Kisses

Healed by a Thousand Kisses

Healed by a Thousand Kisses

Healed by a Thousand Kisses

Healed by a Thousand Kisses

Healed by a Thousand Kisses

To Write

Hero

Poetry

Lacerated, Chaotic Mind

sixteen

Alyssa Gabrielle

Better Yet

Alyssa Gabrielle

Just (Way of the World)

Alyssa Gabrielle

Beautiful Things

Alyssa Gabrielle

I Won't Jinx It

Alyssa Gabrielle

Faded

Alyssa Gabrielle

Complexity, Simplicity, and Love

Alyssa Gabrielle

Woods

Alyssa Gabrielle

Unknown

Beckey Campbell

The Problem of a Time-Travelling Toaster

Alyssa Gabrielle

The Tale of the Toaster

Alyssa Gabrielle

An Easter Bunny's Love

Alyssa Gabrielle

B

By: Alyssa Gabrielle

Hybridization

By: Alyssa Gabrielle

Death by a Thousand Kisses/Healed by a Thousand Kisses

Death By a Thousand Kisses

Healed by a Thousand Kisses

Healed by a Thousand Kisses

Healed by a Thousand Kisses

Healed by a Thousand Kisses

Healed by a Thousand Kisses

To Write

Hero

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